Feeling depressed? Try this one weird trick...
For sad plants and humans
Several summers ago, I arrived at the apartment of a man I was dating, sweating from the heat. “What’s wrong?” he said, shortly after I’d set my bags down on the kitchen table.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I can’t really point to anything that’s making me upset right now.” Then I burst into tears.
His eyes widened. We’d only been seeing each other for two months. All I really knew about him was that he had a nice apartment (cat, home-cooked food, houseplants) and he went to a therapist called Dr. Plant (he was prone to starting sentences with “Dr. Plant says…”). He likely knew even less about me. “Uh, is it something about us? Or something I did wrong?”
“No,” I said, between sobs.
“Anything weird about your day? Your job?”
I looked at my phone. Nicole Kidman stared back at me. Her face was on the cover of a Spotify playlist I was particularly proud of. “I honestly think it’s because I was listening to a bunch of sad songs on the way over here,” I said, a little sheepish, still crying.
I watched the realization dawn on his face. To this guy’s credit, he immediately got it. “You need Mort Garson’s Plantasia,” he said.
I had no idea what he was talking about. “More advice from Dr. Plant?” I asked warily.
“Actually, no,” he said. “I got this advice from the guy at my local plant nursery.” He went over to his music system. The railroad apartment soon filled with funky synth sounds. And I was shocked to find that I immediately felt better. Not just better. Happy.
The guy was looking a little smug at this point. “Mort Garson didn’t write this album about plants,” he said. “He wrote it for plants. His wife’s plants.”
This is Mort Garson, for reference.
We ended up going our separate ways shortly after that. (“I just don’t see myself putting down roots with you,” he said. “Dr. Plant says…”)
But I still listen to Plantasia when I’m sad. And I tell ya, it works without fail. Stuck in bed? “Swingin’ Spathiphyllums” will wake you up. Can’t eat? “Rhapsody in Green” gets you craving a cold, crisp Caesar salad.
The music is cinematic in the style of a children’s TV show theme song, or a video game score. Maybe the nostalgia factor is what makes it so soothing. As far as I can tell, Mort Garson was just a regular dude. He was Canadian, he went to Juilliard, he just wanted his wife’s plants to grow. But Plantasia is a revelation, and it now has a cult following.
I don’t know if it’ll make your pothos happier. But Plantasia will, at the very least, perk you right up. Or remind you to treat yourself like a sad plant: sun, food, water. And if that doesn’t work, there’s always the other kind of Dr. Plant…